Fly Screen

My butt wasn't the only thing Dadda cleaned this morning. I followed him around upstairs while he shined up the bathrooms, and I closed every door behind him and helped add/remove things from the trash can. Cleaning is awesome!

Now it may be said that I am a good eater, but this candy stuff can't be beat! My questions is, if there is food that tastes that good, why isn't all food candy? Dadda didn't understand this idea when I glimpsed the M&Ms on the island counter-top, so he continued to bring me "better" food until he realized my mushroom and cheese omelet, grapes and corn pops cereal needed a candy coated garnish before I could clean my tray.

I like beans!

Just thought I'd add that.

Now, there are all different kinds of toys, but sometimes the best entertainment is not a toy at all. Dadda loves trapping flies in between the window and the screen outside. This is very entertaining, because a baby like me can play with flies without having to wash his hands. Although, not all flies are trapped on the other side of the window, like the one I killed and brought to Dadda. Then I had to wash my hands.

Instead of playing with flies, Dadda tried to teach me colors by sorting all of the Duplos.  I sometimes do the same with my food on my tray, but then I put it in my mouth! So when Dadda asked me to help sort and learn colors, I decided the green block goes in my mouth. I got this.

Today I am contemplative learning!

School Daze

Today I woke up and pooped at a quarter till seven in the morning. I usually go back to sleep until eight or nine, but there's something about the changing of the seasons that makes a baby feel productive.

Dadda and I played the nap and smack game. As usual every time Dadda snored on the couch, I would smack him. Now that it's getting cooler though, he's usually under a blanket and I find it's much more fun to go exploring under covers and then smack Dadda on his forehead.

We met Mamma for lunch today but her meeting ran late, so I hung out in the conference room. After organizing the markers and replacing the toner in the copier with cheerios, I wrote down my agenda on the board, printed off some copies for everyone and then we began.

TODAY'S AGENDA

1. "Good News", aka awkward silence

2. (de)Motivational words

3. Procrastination disguised as "organizing"

4. Diaper Change / Snack

5. Read Curious George

6. Oh crap it's almost lunch let's get some actual work done so we can justify a three hour lunch

7. Go home early

I've got upper management in my future, that, an astronaut and/or designing low cost suburban housing using LEGO Duplos or the old fashioned wooden blocks with letters and colors on 'em. C'mon, who wouldn't want a house that spells something on the exterior walls?

Today I have too many irons in the fire a hug for you!

Cliché Baby

Today I woke up with a diaper so full that my outfit joined the dirty clothes pile. 

We didn't go downstairs because Dadda needed to put away clean clothes. 

Laundry is a fun game! From what I can tell, the object of the game is to arbitrarily put clothes in various places such as drawers, washing machines, hampers and baskets. 

Oh, I almost forgot, you know you're playing the game correctly when they start chasing you for the clothes you grabbed. It's the same basic foundation as any other popular sport such as coursing or polocrosse.

I opted out of breakfast this morning with promises of "going buh-bye." While Dadda packed up I learned from Mickey Mouse.

The first rule of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT MICKEY MOUSE CLUBHOUSE! If this is your first night. . .you have to use the Mousekatool!

We went to the store today and Dadda lingered too long in the candy aisle. I started with a level 1 on the whining scale and that's usually enough, but this time I had to bump it up to a 2. After a quick compromise I ended up with 84¢ worth of gluten free vegan "sunny" bears from the bulk section. Dadda also lingered by the scratch-off tickets so that's how I ended up with a balloon and a Saf-T-Pop.

Today I am manipulative charming!

Date Went He

Today I woke up to a cool house, a happy Dadda, and a diaper filled with poop. I had Corn Pops or rather H-E-B Corn Puffs since my Mamma and Dadda don't always buy name brand, an orange and some white grape juice.

I want to tell you about a boy I read about. In case you're wondering if the TV commercials are right, yes, your baby can read. . .if he or she's not a complete idiot, but I digress. This boy was named Vladimir and while his Dadda spent the majority of his time playing with drooling dogs and bells, he shoulda just watched his baby son, I'm sure he called him Vladdie.

If Vladdie Pavlov were anything like me then he probably had a very obvious conditioned response. For example, when Dadda, or Mamma for that matter, snores on the couch, it means I have to jump on them. Another example is, whenever Mamma, or Dadda for that matter, is working on the laptop, I have to slam closed the lid and laugh. And, lastly, if you do virtually anything I will drool. . .maybe that last one wasn't a very good example.

Dadda and I wrestled on the floor today and we got tangled up in blankets and couch pillows. Since Dadda couldn't reach his cell phone I had to call 911 with my V-Tech phone, but they didn't respond for over half an hour. Hey! I pay my taxes! What? Am I living in a bad neighborhood or something?

Anyway they ended up using the jaws of snuggle to get us out and we all had Goldfish and juice boxes.

Today I am verbose  a little chatterbox!

Day 19.00

When I woke up today my diapey wasn't the only thing steamin' hot,  the whole house was.  When it's hot I love running around, and it's harder for big people to catch me cause they are all sweaty and tired. 

Dadda fed me buffet style so I could graze and then proceeded to sit perfectly still under the fan until Grampa came over to help fix the cold air. I didn't know we were having guests, so I quickly made the house ready for him. I set out the puzzles and puzzle pieces, I spread around the blocks, both wooden and LEGO and I parked my hippo car in the kitchen.

Dadda went upstairs to help Grampa and I followed. It was awesome! There was a huge silver ladder and pieces of machinery everywhere. Grown-up toys are weird. For one thing everything is made out of metal instead of brightly colored plastic, and their slides are broken. I mean at the top of the ladder there was nothing but a fall straight down! Weird.

We went on a field trip! I slept. When I woke up I was somewhere strange, some parking lot filled with repair people buying parts. I kinda wish I could of got a new screwdriver, mine is all chewed on and Grampa took his back when I nicked one out of his tool bag.

It was a fun day with Grampa. I was sad to see him go. When he left I chased him down the driveway and waved buh-bye at him. Now where'd I hide that other screwdriver of his?

Today I am overheated handy!

La Diez y ocho dia.

Today I woke up and crawled into bed with Dadda for a poop scented wake-up call. Dadda changed my diaper and rolled over for more sleeps. I decided to explore the cavern under the covers of Mamma and Dadda's bed. 

There are many natural formations when you brave the depths of the cavern, but stay away from the snoring beast! He let's loose noxious gases and odors from his nooks, just the nooks and not the crannies. 

Dadda finally got up to poke on his eyes in the bathroom mirror. I brushed my hair with Mamma's makeup brush. My hair looks fabulous!

I ate cereal and apple wedges, but this time I stayed securely locked in my chair and the apples were peeled, mostly. I agree with Dadda, meals belong on/in my face, not on the carpet.

Dadda read to me in Spanish. I thought it was nice that he's trying to teach me different languages, but since he hasn't bothered to learn more than a functional amount of my language, I was less than receptive.

Here's an introduction.

English                                       Josh

I want that.                              Mmmama

Give me that.                           Mmmama

Dadda                                         Mamma or Dadda

Mamma                                      Mamma

Brother                                       Bubba / babba

Bottle                                           Babba / bubba

Goomba                                      Mamma

I love you                                   Gluglug

Everything else                        Any combination of squeals and grunts.

Thank goodness for Google Translate, or my journal would be written in what would appear to be random keystrokes instead of my well articulated word choices and humor.

Today I am a rouge agent an international!

Day Sevendependent

After morning poopies, Dadda and I came downstairs for my favorite game: "Make Dadda search the pantry for me!" It's quite fun. I start grunting when he opens the pantry, like I want something he has and once I have his attention, I give noncommittal grunts and head shakes with every suggestion until I've taken a mental inventory of the pantry. Note to self: sneak fruit snacks next time.

Today after breakfast I read books by lantern light. Not just any lantern, mind you, my Chinese imported "Imperial Toy" brand lantern. You know, somebody should hire me as a spokes-baby for their product. I have great range.

"I don't always poop in diapers, but when I do I poop in Huggies."

"Like a good bay-bee, I pooped in there!"

"When I need to read by lantern light, I know I can't go wrong with a genuine Chinese imported  'Imperial Toy'."

Oops - this thing's falling apart - "DADDA!!!"

During one of my Dadda attacks, he turned his legs into a slide for me. That was fun, until he got a cramp. So he got me Bubbas' Little Tikes slide from the garage. Once I figured out how to get my leg over the top, instead of getting stuck in a split and crying, it was pretty fun! I don't remember why it got put out in the garage in the first place.

In other news, I've got to figure out how to get to some of those really shiny and forbidden things on top of the island. If only I had something with a ladder attached. . .

Today I am thick-headed independent!