Green with Broccoli

I hear tales of children who do not eat their vegetables. I am also mystified by my Bubbas' limited appetites for a select group of fruits, vegetables, and an even more selective group of meats, as in two options: chicken, breaded, in nugget form and nice crispy bacon. I'll go ahead and say it, more food for me, that is if Dadda didn't call dibs on all the scraps, the monster. Well, sometimes he shares, that's why they call me the little monster. Speaking of monsters, snakes! Well, not monsters in the traditional sense, but as far as I know, according to legend someone named St. Patrick rid a country of 'em a long time ago. I should know, I'm one eighth Irish on both Mamma and Dadda's side. Well either way, it's time once again for. . .

 In Irish it's called Lá Fhéile Pádraig, a religious holiday in honor of Saint Patrick. Although my understanding of a saint is limited,  I don't think it's synonymous with mischief, so don't go looking for a St. Joshua's day anytime soon. (Note: St. Joshua's day is actually September 1st, I'm registered at The Sharper Image) 

I may be green when it comes to customs and traditions, but I already prefer my beverages to be colored, whether it be green or any other color than clear, and sweet as all get out. I needs mah juice! Dadda and Mamma worry about me but I can quit whenever I want. Anyway, our friend Patrick, according to legend, had visions of God after he was captured by the crazy Irish. Although, I assume it was a vision of just one particular god, since his captors believed in multiple gods, and also because he came from a family of deacons. If I am meant to follow in Mamma or Dadda's footsteps I suppose I better see which jobs require a great degree of skill in yelling and remaining stationary on the couch.

Well, God helped Patrick escape from his captors, only to visit him once again in a vision and send him back. This type of indecision is common in authority figures once they've acquired new information after entering into a situation. The problem here, is how do you maintain authority in light of unstable footing or a grasp of the problem? Because I said so! That's why. *sigh* I can't wait to be older. When I reiterate or repeat my demands I just get a louder version of the original denial and eventually I'm manhandled or forcibly distracted with tickling and/or other amusing diversions. I notice this technique is only used on me, although Dadda does try it on Mamma, but tickling or otherwise amusing her rarely works after she puts on her "no" face. I don't like that face very much.

Mamma, everyone! She's so pretty!

So when Patrick came back the second time he taught everybody about Christianity by using the key to all learning: a visual aid. In this example, he used the shamrock, otherwise known as a clover.

Pictured above: A mutant variant of the traditional three leafed clover.

Through this extraordinary feat of educational execution, something as effortless as picking something up from the ground and using it as an example, Christianity was born in Ireland and after several in-depth lessons and possibly a few night classes, the Irish could now complete a sign of the cross before bedtime and meals just like everyone else in my family. However, history has a way of summarizing the details into a neat package, just as with St. Valentine, it appears St. Patrick is a combination of at least two patriarchs. Things that serve more than one purpose are the backbone of toddler play. For example, the blanket-cape, the plastic golf club-sword and the ninja throwing block, also makes great stacking towers and an obstacle course for late-night barefoot fun!

Turns out there were already people in Ireland who knew how to bless their food correctly but they were outnumbered by the druids, a people who also appreciated the importance of blanket capes and stacking blocks. So entered into legend the story of another St. Patrick, a bishop by the name of Paladius, or the other one, who drove out the snakes. Now this story is interesting for two reasons. One, snakes do not have hands and can no more drive than I can operate a computer ride a two-wheeler, and two as it's not apparently known, there where never any snakes in Ireland, it's too cold. Why that last part matters, I don't know, cause I love cold weather! That's when all the capes come out of the closet and everyone loves to snuggle. So it turns out the "snakes" in the legend were probably the druids, although I doubt they were really robe wearing reptiles as opposed to naughty pagans. In many ways the pagans were the original baybees as they just did whatever they wanted, rarely wore clothes, and presumably disliked naps and being told no. Happy St. Patrick's Day. 

Today I pinch no matter what color you are wearing! had green apple juice!